


The Bottle

by tinkr_tailr



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Male Slash, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-15
Updated: 2013-09-15
Packaged: 2017-12-26 16:55:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/968329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinkr_tailr/pseuds/tinkr_tailr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony has always kept the bottle in his nightstand. At least he was in control of that. Until Steve Rogers came into his life, that is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Bottle

                He keeps them in his nightstand because he knows that day will come when he just can’t do it anymore.

                Sometimes he forgets, but as he leans over to turn off the light, he’ll remember what he’s leaning over and sleep soundly that night. Because it’s an honest to god comfort, knowing that he has some little bit of control. Knowing he can end it at any point, knowing he doesn’t always have to go on.

                So when Steve Rogers comes into his life, he isn’t expecting it.

                He doesn’t expect the biting words and the vicious eyes that hurt and make him realize he isn’t good enough.

                He’ll never be good enough.

                This man that stands before him is a hero, a true hero, one who has never done harm. He stands up for what is right, he’s not trying to fix his mistakes, he does this because he knows it’s right. And yeah, the serum may have given him the ability to do these things, but he didn’t just come out of a bottle, he’s the final piece that pulled everything into place. But he was hurt… So he said hurtful things.

                Steve is a hero.

                A hero America still needs, a hero the world still needs.

                So when Tony realizes he has a chance to save that hero, he takes it. He takes it and flies it into the portal and he’s damn well sure that people will mourn him, but they’d mourn Captain America a shit ton more.

                So he kills himself.

                And the bottle of pills in his nightstand never even enters his mind.

                Because he’s not doing this selfishly.

                He’s not fixing his mistakes for once.

                What he’s doing right here, right now, this is what matters. He’s doing something because it’s the right thing to do. And maybe the world will see him as a hero. Maybe Steve will even see him as one.

                But it doesn’t matter, because here and now he’s saving a hero and innocent people.

                When he wakes up, he’s looking in Steve Roger’s eyes, and they’re brimming with tears, and that smile is on his face and Tony thinks for a split second, _‘Who died?’_

                And then… then he realizes it was him. He died. And now Steve is looking at him like his entire world has just shattered and re-created itself right in front of him. And Tony won’t realize for years that that’s exactly what happened.

                That day, Tony forgets about the bottle in his nightstand.

                And two years later, when Steve is poking about their room, trying to find a lost sock… He opens the drawer, because god knows he’s found things in stranger places, and sees the bottle and his world shatters again.

                “Tony…” he whispers over dinner that night, placing the bottle next to his food. “Why?”

                And Tony is silent for a moment before he’s on his feet and running to kneel in front of his lover, taking his face in his hands, trying to comfort the crying hero, because, “Damn it, Tony, how could you be so selfish?!”

                “I’m not,” Tony whispers, smiling at the blond. “I used to be.” He strokes a full cheek, wiping away tear tracks as bright blue eyes look at him. “But then I met you. And I fell in love with you. And I swear to you, I haven’t thought about those pills since the first moment we met. I forgot. Because I found you.”

                And Steve is crying on the ground, holding Tony tight. Their knees will ache later, but right now this is all they need. Each other. Because yeah, Tony wanted that control at one point.

                But now… Now he thinks he’s a lot better off without it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi. Yup. I made this. Cause I could. Blame tumblr.


End file.
